I love them!

Lizzy, Mave and Miss Higwaysandbyways.

We decided to thicken our skin and strike a funnyface pose during the first break of school.

Second last day.

I will miss SOT

But I am excited to be launched back to the marketplace.

Like what Dr. Jeff Ogle said today,

We’ve been built up in SOT,

Like ships being constructed at harbours.

Next week,

We will enter among the stress of oceans,

Where we are destined.

Choppy waters.

But I am not afraid.

For I know the King over the flood.

I will be still

And know I am not alone.

But I have the treasure within

Who’ll push against all external pressures.

 

I belong to him.

He belong to me.

 

It was a lightbulb moment for me

When Dr. Ogle said

That who we are

Are not

Who people say we are,

Or

Who we say we are.

 

Who you are is

Who you belong to.

 

Belong.

 

The proudest man on earth

Will want to belong to someone, to something.

 

The hardest heart secretly pines

For someone to worship

And go home to.

 

I used to belong to a few women.

Whom only in my sound mind

I realised I tried to find my mother in them.

 

The days when I belonged to them,

My value and worth were limited.

I was whoever they wanted me to be.

I had to fight the fear of deserted void decks at dusk,

And race home alone.

I had to satisfy their whims and fancies,

Round the clock.

I was a slave to what they have deemed me to be.

I was a girl who carried the mantle

A few women,

Lost, themselves,

Placed on me.

 

 

I feared them.

I worked hard to please them.

 

It was not easy to bear the mantle people put on you.

When you allow yourself to belong to someone,

You subject yourself to carry their expectations of you.

Most of the time,

We fail to meet them.

And we only fear greater, of losing them,

Of seeming lesser to them.

We yearn for their affirmation.

We lose sleep

Checking our handphones for their text messages.

Every word they say to you,

Determines your highs and lows.

How I treasured their words to me.

I hoped in them,

Believed in them,

Lived in them.

I tried to make every word they spoke over my life permanent

By painting them over my bedroom walls,

Penning them in journals.

I memorised their letters,

Which I studied,

And meditated day and night

In buses to school, from school,

In bed, in the shower.

Wherever I went,

I clung on to their words over me.

The more I tried to make them permanent in time and space,

The more they slip out of my hands.

No word stood.

No word lasted.

No word.

 

 

I kept on keeping on

Only towards a dead end.

 

But now,

I belong to another.

The one who knew me before I was conceived.

He gave me a new name.

No longer am I the voiceless, weak puppet for manmade script

I am called the

Audacious,

The

Strong.

No longer am I silent.

No longer am I an invalid.

I am given the power to

Define and Validate.

Day and night,

I incline my ear to his words to me.

I write them down,

I memorise and meditate on them.

He never forgets his promises,

No word that proceeded from his mouth

Returned to him void.

It has been since eternity.

No on has ever done that.

Only he.

And because of that,

 

I give my all to believe, hope in and trust on him.

 

In the midst of chaos,

I can be still and know that everything’s gonna be alright.

 

The words he gives me daily,

I will speak.

The concepts and ideas he puts in my mind,

I will deliver.

 I bear no man or woman’s mantle upon me.

I bear only his mantle he has placed on me.

For whatever he expects from me,

I am able to meet ‘cos he has enable me.

 

Make way for

His power and might

His wisdom and beauty.

 

Know I’m yours

And you are mine

I am who you call me to be.

I will be all that you have called me to be.

I want the world to know

You are who you are,

Who was,

And is,

And is to come.

 

‘Because I have called

And you refused,

I have stretched out my hand and no one regarded,

 

Because you disdained all my counsel,

And would have none of my rebuke,

 

I also will laugh at your calamity;

I will mock when your terror comes,

When your terror comes like a storm,

And your destruction comes like a whirlwind,

When distress and anguish come upon you,

 

They they will call on me,

But I will not answer;

They will seek me diligently,

But they will not find me.

Because they hated knowledge

And did not choose the fear of him,

They would have none of my counsel

And despised my every rebuke.

 

Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way,

And be filled to the full with their own fancies.

 

For the turning away of the simple will slay them,

And the complacency of fools will destroy them;

 

But whoever listens to me will dwell safely,

And will be secure,

Without fear of evil.’

 

Your word is like honey on my lips.

Easier than I thought,

I’ve cleared my assignments.

 

Already, I can’t wait for lunch with my sweet bunch (you know who you are babies).

*

 

That aside,

Jonathan has just left for Florence, Italy.

Jon,

New grounds,

New purposes.

You have entered the gate of an international platform.

Seize everyday,

And show ‘em what He’s got.

Whatever your eyes can see,

He’ll give it to you.

Whatever your hands can touch,

He’ll make into much.

Wherever you go,

You go in his name.

 

See you real soon,

Stronger and happier.

 *

 I’ve grown to love being a Queenstown resident.

Tampines is really a tad too far.

But I love travelling to the end of the West for school.

Fourth last train ride to SOT tomorrow!

Whatever it is,

Wherever it is,

I want to be

Where he is.

One word,

I will follow.

I have made him my habitation.

 

 

Is the world round?

Is water wet?

Does the sun shine?

 

That’s how much I love You.

 This weekend was a wrestle.

I’m happy the struggle is over.

 I have more to praise than to gripe about.

Now I’m looking forward to the new week.

Ack.

It is the final SOT 2007 week.

I’m gonna drink in every moment of it.

Grrr.

Haha. Liz, Mave and I were thinking sometimes we do feel ‘cheated’ for having only 20 weeks of SOT. How we hope for 10 months of school!

 BUT.

Like Principal Bobby Chaw said it well,

‘We may be at the tail end. But the new beginning is coming.

New vision.

New abilities.

New breakthroughs.’

 I appreciated Yahlan’s text message three weeks ago,

When she said it’s gonna be the ‘last lap. And challenges will come.Stay strong…’

But could not quite comprehend it until quite a few waves caved in past week.

I was reading Dr. Edwin Louis Cole’s book yesterday

And thought one of his wisdom-nuggets boils down the anecdote to the basis of life (especially challenging days):

Every man has three men to deal with:

The man he thinks others see.

The man he thinks he is.

The man he really is. 

  And another one I dig:

Strength is tested by resistance to pressure.

True of marriage, friendships and character. 

Many people think that the higher they go,

Say, in being promoted in position,

The stronger they become.

That’s what I thought.

Until I got promoted myself

And realize the higher you go,

The more you realise your weaknesses.

The more you know yourself.

Ugly things surface.

 And you discover how ugly you can get.

So many limitations.

So much insecurity.

That is why

Many are called,

Few are chosen,

Even fewer are found faithful.

 Many rather quit

Than to face up with the truth about themselves.

‘I can’t do it. Then let’s scrape it. I quit. Get someone else better me.’

I thought this way many times.

But, phew,

I’ve never submitted to it.

In fact, I doused it out of my mind

And turned to the very one who believed in me, promoted, positioned, equipped, and cultivated me.

 He is limitless.

He is sure.

When I break and crumble,

I break and crumble with him in me.

I will stand aside

And let him take over.

I will do my part,

And let him do his part.

I won’t run away.

If he hasn’t quit on me,

I never dare quit on him.

 Whoo.

Last week of SOT.

Here I come.

Besides the fact that when you assume something

And make an ‘ass‘ out of ‘u‘ and ‘me‘,

Assuming responsibilities is what I’ve learnt to embrace.

I realise that whenever I don’t do what I need to do,

All the ugly things roll in.

And when they’ve overcome me,

I hit a standstill in my personal growth.

 

As much as we have received,

Much is expected of us.

I’ve experienced and witnessed the disaster of going against this truth.

I have received much,

And there were days when I refused to offer what I could.

I just didn’t want to.

This is always a mistake.

It can never give you a good end.

Knowledge puffs up.

And when you refuse to share it,

Your head will burst and explode.

And you fall to the level of defeat and powerlessness.

It really feels like this.

You know, at the beginning

It does feel good -

Obeying yourself, ‘

I want to stay at home, I want to shut into my own world. I want to be alone, I don’t need anybody. I hate everybody. Nobody understands me. I don’t trust anyone except myself. I want to sleep, I am tired. I have things to do, I am too busy, I want to mind my own business. I have no time for others. (and it goes on…)

But stubborness and pride just doesn’t get you anywhere.

It only drags you down to deeper depression.

 

Giving as much as you have received is the opposite case.

When much is given, say, Knowledge,

Knowledge is only potential power in your mind.

We can call that Brain Capital.

It illuminates and brims within you, full and glorious,

But it is only potential power.

When you choose to release what you have received,

Maybe, to choose the right attitude towards someone you don’t really like, and you know you should treat him with respect,

Only then power is produced to perform its ability between the atmosphere around you and him. For this case, maybe, the release of tension between you and him.

When this happens,

Both are benefited.

He is surprised and pleased.

You are pleased with the good choice you’ve made

And your character is built up.

This sense of achievement releases a kind of adrenaline,

That compels you to make the right choice in another similar circumstance.

You actually will grow to look forward to exercise this knowledge

And taste its results again.

 

Illustration:

An air conditioner plugged to the power source.

It has great potential.

But it is powerless and useless when not switched on.

It is nothing until someone decides to switch it on.

It can only fulfill its purpose when it is turned on.

 

There were times knowledge (mostly through people) warns me against danger,

But I chose to shut it up, press it down.

I thought I was right,  that everything’d be okay.

But I ended up like a switched off airconditioner.

Full of form,

Empowered, but powerless.

That’s horrifying.

You look like you have it,

But you have nothing at all.

You are plugged to the right Source,

But your life is dead.

Ack.

I want my life to be lika powerful airconditioner,

Full blast with refreshing air.

Crisp air, reek-free.

Cool breeze, the pressure of humidity lifted.

That not only I,

But others may enjoy what I can offer.

I find and fulfill my purpose staying this way.

I contribute by making the world a better place.

 

 

 

 

 

I am looking forward to 7pm, Thursday, 23 August.

Our school will be having a major graduation feast at Marina Bay.

Besides the taste of steamboat, everything else is bound to be enjoyable.

(grin)

Past two days have been almost heaven on earth.

I seized every moment we had with Dr. Joshua Hong at school.

His words are too precious to miss.

Liz says it most proper. Every sentence Dr. Joshua makes is a tagline.

One of the most outstanding principles I caught, is that

Everything is created twice;

First in the human mind,

Second in reality.

What authority our brains have!

It’s like a remote control that can

Flip your life to whichever channel your mind has chosen.

If your mind believes you’re stupid,

Then your life is a TV station of dumb programmes.

Every project you take on fails.

Every problem you face bites off your self-esteem.

But

If your mind believes you are successful, because you are backedup by the Beginning and the End,

Your life is as exciting and victorious as Bourne Ultimatum.

Note: Challenges and problems inclusive.

You cannot be an overcomer, a problem solver,

if there are no challenges to overcome, no problems to solve.

Like Einstein said it,

‘Everything conceivable is achievable.’

How small you conceive you are,

You are.

How big you conceive you are,

You are.

How defeated you conceive you are,

You are.

How victourious you conceive you are,

You are.

Your conception of things, of yourself,

May not be visible right now.

But it does not mean it is not at work.

You may not see your body growing old right now,

But you are really growing old by the second,

Even though you cannot see it.

Ditch the, “I only believe what I can see.” principle.

That’s a simpleton’s life motto.

They don’t believe that a pregnant woman is pregnant until she has conceived a baby.

They don’t believe fire hurts until they burn their fingers.

The visible is only secondary.

Don’t worry about it.

The invisible is everything.

It’s where everything begins.

What do you want to see in reality?

Visit your mind again

And design future.

 

Toilet Break: A snippet of mischief in the lift